Understanding Identity Through Roles, Culture, and Self-Talk

Learn about the ways that your roles, cultural background, and internal self-talk affect how you look at your identity.

Understanding Identity Through Roles, Culture, and Self-Talk

If you’d like to learn more about the often invisible, but incredibly powerful ways that culture shock may be affecting the stress in your life, check out this connected article: Invisible But Powerful: How Culture Shock Creates Stress.

In this article, I’ll lead you through the ways that roles, culture, and your internal self-talk affect how you look at your identity.

Identity Through Roles

How would you describe yourself? It sounds simple, but it’s often a hard question to answer. I once heard someone introduce themselves like this:

“Someone’s mother, someone’s sister, someone’s daughter, someone’s wife, someone’s therapist.”

This shows how we often define ourselves by our roles in relation to others.

In The Little Prince, Antoine de Saint-Exupéry points out that adults tend to understand people through numbers—like age, income, or job title—rather than through feelings or imagination. Stop and think for a moment: how do you know others?

We all place expectations on others and expect people to play their roles well—that’s normal. But beyond those roles, who are they really? What do they think and feel? This is the heart of our relationships, with others and with ourselves. A true relationship begins with getting to know each other and forming an emotional connection built on understanding and consideration.

Being aware of how your culture shapes your identity helps you grow. It allows you to reflect, connect more deeply, and build healthier relationships. Psychology encourages us to explore these layers of identity so we can better understand ourselves and others.

Identity Through Culture

The way you see yourself and others reflects your values, which are heavily influenced by your culture.

In Western cultures—like Canada or the United States—people often describe themselves by personal traits or beliefs: being independent, liberal, or creative.

In collectivist cultures—like China, India, or Brazil—identity is more about social roles: being a good parent, a loyal employee, or a respectful child.

These differences come from how each culture values individuality versus group harmony.

Identity Through Self-talk

Self-talk—the way we speak to ourselves—shapes how we see ourselves and respond to life’s demands.

In collectivist cultures, thoughts like “I must be a good son” or “I should always put my family first” reflect values of loyalty and shared responsibility. While these beliefs can strengthen relationships, they may also lead to emotional strain when expectations become overwhelming. For example, a caregiver may ignore signs of burnout, believing that personal sacrifice is necessary to support the family.

In contrast, individualistic self-talk often emphasizes independence, such as “I have to succeed on my own” or “Asking for help means I’m weak.” These thoughts can boost confidence and drive, but may also cause isolation and stress—especially when collaboration could ease the burden.

Whether shaped by collectivism or individualism, self-talk can quietly influence our well-being, often without us realizing the toll it takes.

How do you talk to yourself?

When life gets tough, what does your self-talk look like? Are you encouraging to yourself, saying things like “I’m doing my best,” or “It’s okay to ask for help?”

Or do you criticize yourself with harsh words like “I’m not good enough,” or “I always mess things up?”

Psychologists say that self-talk affects how we feel and act. Positive self-talk can boost confidence and help us cope. Negative self-talk, on the other hand, can lead to stress or low self-esteem.

Quick Self-Check

How are you doing today? Try answering these questions to get a picture of how you’re feeling about your identity:

• I know the roles I usually identify with (e.g., parent, student, employee).
• I’ve noticed how my culture or family influences my expectations.
• I’ve caught myself using harsh self-talk—and tried to be kinder.
• I’ve expressed my emotions in a safe way (e.g. writing, talking, movement).
• I’ve thought about what I truly need beneath my actions.
• I’ve imagined what’s in my “iceberg” (my deeper feelings and beliefs).
• I’m learning to accept that my identity can evolve—and that’s okay.

If you don’t feel great about your answers, don’t be afraid to reach out for some help. At Transforming Emotions, we’re always ready to listen, guide, and teach.