If your teen is feeling the all-too-common worry that failure awaits behind every decision they make about their future—share this article with them. I’ll walk them through why they may be feeling overwhelmed and what will help.
Teen vs. “The Future”: What if I Can’t Do it?
If you feel your parent hovering over you like a helicopter, desperate to help you face every aspect of this big transition—but actually making things harder in the process!—send them over to my article where I teach them how to be a positive help: Facing “The Future”: Supporting Your Teen’s Transition to Adulthood.
In this article, let’s talk about that nagging worry that “you can’t do it” (because I bet you can! And I’ll tell you why.)
Just when you’ve finally gotten into the swing of things at high school—you know your way around, you’ve got your friend group, the receptionist knows you by name when you walk in late—BAM! You realize with a jolt that pretty soon, you’ll be a newbie all over again: this time, in the… “Real World!” *Cue horror theme!!!* (…did you just see that lightning?)
For some people, the thought of this new start is exciting! For many others, though, that excitement is mixed with hesitation, nervousness, and self-doubt. After all, it’s likely that so many new changes are coming your way…
- Maybe you’re moving away from home for the first time.
- Maybe you’re starting a new job.
- Maybe you’re starting a post-secondary program with a lot less structure than you’re used to.
- Maybe your friend group is splitting up as everyone goes their separate ways.
- Maybe you have no clue what you’ll do after high school!
Wherever you’re at, if you’re finding that self-doubt is starting to creep in (What if I’m not smart enough? What if I can’t pay back my debt? What if I lose all my friends?)—know that you are not alone. (Even when you think you are.) Trust me, I’ve talked to so many teens who are feeling different flavours of that same, pesky self-doubt.
You’re More Powerful than Ever Before
One of the main reasons that entering adulthood can cause so much doubt is that there is a lot of pressure that comes with newfound power.
Think about it: up until this point, it’s likely that your life has followed a sort of script, and you’ve gotten a lot of stage direction on where to be and what to do. Sure, you’ve likely spiced it up with electives, extracurriculars, maybe some adventurous summer trips or programs.
But really, many teens face more openness and uncertainty than ever before as they near the end of high school and start planning for what’s next.
Suddenly, you’re writing the script! You have the power to decide—but with that also comes all the responsibility! If you’re the one behind the wheel, it’s your fault if you crash and your embarrassment if you do something you later regret. The luxury of blaming things on other people goes out the window when you take power into your own hands, and it can feel really heavy!
Uncertainty? Danger!
Another major stressor is the huge amount of uncertainty that this new chapter brings. You may be the one writing the script of your life now, but a caveat is—you can’t know or fully control how the story will go! Uncertainty can feel a lot like danger to our bodies—even if you know logically there is nothing actually dangerous to fear. Uncertainty might signal an anxiety alarm because you don’t know what a new situation will bring and whether you’ll be able to cope.
You might feel nervous, scared, on edge, and tense. You might have tons of worries racing through your mind, and you might find yourself keeping extra busy with schoolwork or social media to try and distract yourself from these thoughts. You might avoid conversations about post-secondary topics, or, on the flip side, you might find yourself unable to talk about anything else, hoping to hear some reassuring words that will ease the anxiety.
What You’re Feeling Is Normal (I Promise!)
Whatever self-doubt and anxiety look like for you, know that it is such a normal, natural reaction. Of course your body is on high-alert—this is brand new territory! Your body is trying to keep you safe, but you have the power to decide what actions you’ll take in response.
Know that confidence grows through experience, so—while it may be tough in the moment—living through these new experiences and seeing for yourself that you’ll be ok on the other side will really help quiet that self-doubting voice.
You’ve Done This Before
Think back to other situations that were once new and scary: the start of high school? Overnight camp? You got through those transitions, and you will do it again. Reminding yourself of the things you’re great at and the things that matter to you can also help push you forward when you’re feeling the urge to retreat back.
Leaning on friends, family, and mentors you look up to can help boost you up when your confidence is really low. Finally, treating yourself with kindness and patience—like you would a good friend—can help relieve some of the weight on your shoulders. Maybe things won’t go exactly as you hope; maybe they will. Regardless, you will be ok—and grow stronger through it.
If you think you might benefit from support navigating anxiety and self-doubt, we at Transforming Emotions are here to help. Book a free consultation with a therapist who can work with you to explore your emotions and feel more empowered to enter this exciting stage of life.
