If your teen is overwhelmed with trying to make decisions about their future, send them this article showing how understanding their values can help guide them through their anxieties.
Teen vs.“The Future”: Exploring Your Values
If you feel your parent hovering over you like a helicopter, desperate to help you face every aspect of this big transition—but actually making things harder in the process!—send them over to my article where I teach them how to be a more positive help: Facing “The Future”: Supporting Your Teen’s Transition to Adulthood.
In this article, I’ve got some guidance around discovering your values, and how you can turn that into a tool you use to help when decision making gets overwhelmed by anxiety.
As high school treks along and the Great Unknowable Future lies ahead, it’s easy to feel lost in a sea of opinions. Maybe your parents are rooting for you to go to their alma mater. Maybe your friend wants you to move out with them. Maybe your boss is hinting that you should take on a full-time position once you graduate. And maybe you’re feeling conflicted within yourself, wrestling between two cool college programs or between feeling interested and uncertain about a job offer.
With conflicting pressures pulling you in all directions, it’s hard to even hear yourself think! At times like these, if you feel like you’re drowning in the noise, it can be so helpful to reconnect with the things that matter most to you: your values.
What Do You Care About?
Values are, quite simply, things that you care about in life: curiosity, friendship, health, adventure… There are no right or wrong things to value, and they vary widely from person to person.
As well, they are flexible and can change over time as life shifts and you grow into different versions of yourself. The great thing about values is you can think of them as a personal compass: when you’re feeling lost at sea, being blown this way and that by different opinions, voices, ideas… your values can help get you back on track, moving in the direction that is aligned with you and the things you care about.
Standing Up to Anxiety
Following your values is also helpful when you’re hesitant to take action because of anxiety.
Just like friends, family, and social media can put conflicting ideas into your mind, anxiety can send you confusing messages, too: urging you to stay home from that party or turn down that university offer in a new city—even though another part of you is excited to go!
Being aware of your values and committing yourself to them can help you stand up to anxiety and do what you want to do—no matter what anxiety says about it.
Figuring Out Your Values
The first step in living life according to your values is to figure out what the most important values for you are! Here is a list of values to consider from researcher Brené Brown. Try sorting them into values that matter most to you, values that matter somewhat to you, and values that don’t matter much to you.
Afterwards, try answering these questions (some adapted from The Wellness Society) to help you identify your values:
- Who do you look up to the most? What qualities do you appreciate in them?
- What qualities do you appreciate most in yourself? What does that say about what you value?
- What would you do if money or others’ expectations didn’t matter?
- What are you doing when time feels like it’s flying?
Awesome! Now—I know it can be tough—but after some reflection, try choosing two or three values that feel most important to you. Now for one of those values, ask yourself this:
What action can I take this week in line with this value?
Give it a try, for real! For example, if a core value of mine is “Altruism,” maybe this week I’ll volunteer with a local park clean-up. If a core value of mine is “Friendship,” maybe I’ll text that friend I haven’t seen in months and invite them over for a movie. It can help to pull up your calendar now—yes, right now!—and schedule in when you’ll take that first step.
Getting in the habit of thinking about your values in day-to-day life will help you draw on them more easily when faced with bigger decisions. And doing so helps keep you on track to live the kind of life that is fulfilling to you—even when other voices or anxiety get in the way.
To learn more about values and explore them further, I find these resources particularly helpful (they helped me when I was in your shoes):
This was just a short article, but if you think you might benefit from support navigating graduation anxiety and/or exploring how your values can guide you, reach out to us at Transforming Emotions and book a free consultation. We can work with you to explore your emotions and feel more empowered to enter this exciting stage of life.
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Schedule a Free 15 Minute Call with Ariella. You can also jump straight into a first session if you’re ready.
