Invisible But Powerful: How Culture Shock Creates Stress

I have gone through the experience of being uprooted—leaving behind familiar places and facing countless adjustments to a new culture. Many cultural differences are invisible, yet they have incredible power in shaping how we feel, connect, and adapt in our new culture.

Invisible But Powerful: How Culture Shock Creates Stress

One of the most nerve-wracking experiences I ever faced at work came during a team meeting, when my director asked this question:

“How was everyone’s weekend?”

My heart raced. My palms got sweaty. I felt like I was in a horror movie, watching as the monster—that question—methodically stalked my colleagues around the table, one by one, as it got closer and closer to me….

From left to right, each person shared their story as I prepared my lines, my leg nervously tapping under the table. Anita spoke, and everyone burst into laughter; Rick spoke, and everyone nodded in agreement. Everyone seemed to know the exact right defense to placate the monster.

Finally, the question came for me, and I hoped my topic was interesting enough to sate the beast….

“I went to a Korean hair salon. We didn’t speak the same language, but I boldly pointed to my head and let the stylist cut it.”

After speaking I held my breath, but everyone showed curiosity and excitement, and even shared similar experiences of language barriers. It seemed like my story was well received. I let out a sigh of relief.

After 20-minutes of “small” talk—it certainly felt BIG to me!—the director finally began the meeting, and only then did my mood settle. Why was it that while everyone else was so relaxed during the question, I was the only one with a racing heart and sweaty palms?

Since coming to Canada, I have felt that everyone around me can effortlessly chat with each other, but I was always tense; hyperaware of my speech, watching my pronunciation and grammar. I like people approaching me, but I hate small talk and the way it makes me feel! It has taken me years, but after practicing not-so-small talk hundreds of times I am more comfortable with it: my breathing stays normal and my heartbeat does not race; I accepted my accent and speech imperfections. But that does not mean my English has much improved, and small talk is still far from feeling “natural.” I found a way to get along with that monster.

Invisible, But Deeply Impactful

Like many other immigrants, I have gone through the experience of being uprooted—leaving behind familiar places and facing countless adjustments to a new culture. Many cultural differences are invisible, yet they have incredible power in shaping how we feel, connect, and adapt in our new culture.

What Are Cultural Differences

Culture is basically the way people live and do things—it includes traditions, beliefs, food, language, and how people interact with one another. It is like the personality of a group, shaped by history and passed down through generations. When people from different backgrounds meet, their ways of thinking, behaving, and communicating can be surprisingly different. One culture might value being super direct, while another prefers subtlety. These differences can sometimes lead to confusion, but they also make the world more interesting and help us learn from each other. And really, there is no right or wrong when it comes to cultural behaviour—it is not about good or bad, just whether it is something you do or not. For example, in some cultures people might kneel or squat while waiting, which is normal and comfortable for them; but this comes across as unusual elsewhere.

Adapting Is Exhausting

What makes cultural differences tricky is that they are often hard to see. Small things—like unfamiliar social rules, habits, or ways of speaking—can quietly affect how we feel about ourselves and where we belong. Even when everything seems fine on the outside, adjusting to a new culture can be emotionally exhausting. I still instinctively reach for my Presto card to tap off when leaving the train station (unlike the flat system on the TTC, in my hometown, the fare is based on the distance traveled). It is a tiny habit, but it reminds me how deeply our routines are shaped by where we come from. These little moments may seem minor, but they reflect the bigger emotional shifts we go through when adapting to a new environment.

Another moment that caught me off guard was in the workplace—here, people rely heavily on email for communication and often CC many colleagues, even when everyone is physically present in the office. Coming from a culture where face-to-face conversations are preferred for clarity and efficiency, I felt a surprising amount of pressure and formality in this style. It made me second-guess whether I was doing enough or missing something important. These subtle differences do not always show on the surface, but they can quietly build up and affect how comfortable or confident we feel in a new setting.

Culture Shock = Stress

In a 2012 study, researchers Robert and Gilkinson found that about 29% of recent immigrants to Canada reported emotional challenges, and 16% experienced high levels of stress within their first four years. Refugees faced even higher rates of distress. Factors like income, country of origin, and satisfaction with the settlement experience played a big role. Immigrants from South and Central America were more likely to struggle emotionally than those from North America or Western Europe, especially if they had lower incomes or faced difficulties settling in.
When people first arrive in a new country, they are busy finding a place to live, getting a job, and building a new life. There is so much to do that it is easy to overlook the emotional side of things and miss the buildup of this subtle stress. I remember being so focused on settling in that I did not even realize I ate instant noodles five nights in a row—not because I cannot cook, but because I was too tired to even press the “start” button on the rice cooker!

Stressed and Unaware

When starting a new job, the first week may be uneventful, but you still feel exhausted by the end of the day. Why? Because you had to learn a new commute, new names, new passwords; paying such close attention to all the new this-and-thats adds up over the day—it consumes a lot of mental and emotional energy. And this kind of energy consumption is often overlooked.

Psychologists have long tried to measure stress, and one classic tool is the Holmes-Rahe Stress Scale, developed in the 1960s. It ranks life events by how much stress they typically cause—and the results are both insightful and a little surprising.

At the top of the list is death of a close family member, followed by divorce or separation. These are understandably heavy. But scroll all the way down and you will find Christmas. Yes, even the holidays made the list.
Although immigration or returning to school is not listed directly, related events such as change in residence, change in living conditions, and change in social activities are all included—and they rank surprisingly high. So if you have been feeling a bit off lately, the scale suggests you are not imagining it. Your life changes are officially stressful.

Coping Inside

How do you cope with the stress of environmental change in your mind? I have heard many people say, “It shouldn’t be a problem for me. I can handle it.” Or, “It’s just a few new people on my team—easier than my last job. There’s no reason I shouldn’t be able to manage.” So many “shoulds” pop up, subtly pushing us to adjust to the new environment without allowing ourselves to rest.

Leaving My “Shoulds” Behind

For quite a while, I also put these “shoulds” on myself: “I should be able to relax” and “I should have no problem with it because of my training.” But after many lessons, I have learned that this mindset does not help—it actually makes my stress worse. In recent years, I have started listening to myself more gently and acknowledging the vulnerability I am experiencing.

This September, I returned to school (after many years—it feels like my brain got an iOS update!), and I have felt overwhelmed by courses and endless reading. Now, I generate self-talk like:

• “I did my best and cannot do any more.”
• “I deserve a little treat every single day.”

And I remind myself:

• “It’s not the end of the world if I don’t finish it today.”

Even a small pebble can trip us up. Admitting this does not mean you are weak—it means you accept the nature of being human.

Generational “Shock”

Second- and third-generation immigrants—people born in a new country to immigrant parents—often face challenges that are different from those experienced by their parents. While their parents may focus on settling in and surviving, these younger generations often struggle with identity—facing their own burden of invisible stress. They grow up between two cultures: their family’s traditions and the culture around them. Many develop a mix of both—what the researcher Washington Omole called “hybrid identities” in his 2024 paper—which can be both empowering and confusing.

These young individuals often feel pressure to perform well in school and meet family expectations, while also trying to fit in with their peers. This can lead to feelings of not fully belonging in either culture. Even if they speak the local language, they may still face misunderstandings at home or in public. These experiences can affect their mental health. In 2023, The American Psychological Association reported that children of immigrants often deal with more stress and emotional pressure than their parents; especially in Asian, Pacific Islander, and Latinx communities.

Overall, second- and third-generation immigrants may appear to have fully adapted, but internally, they are often managing complex emotions and responsibilities. This is why it is important to support them with understanding, mental health care, and inclusive policies.

A Journey Toward Belonging and Peace

Have you ever felt like you are caught between two worlds? You may not realize it, but some of your current struggles could be rooted in your cultural background and family values. Let me share a bit about myself: I grew up in a traditional family that valued stability, hard work, and a clear path forward. In contrast, the broader society around me seemed to reward innovation, risk-taking, and constant reinvention. These two worlds often felt like opposites—so which one do I belong to? Or am I still figuring that out?

For a long time, I wrestled with questions like: Do I have the freedom to explore what I truly want? Can I give myself permission to follow my heart, even if it means stepping away from what is familiar? Taking that leap has not been easy—but it has been worth it.

These kinds of inner conflicts are common during cultural transitions. They can sneak into everyday life like a quiet monster, making things harder than they need to be. If you feel that culture shock is affecting you or someone you care about, Transforming Emotions is here to help. You are welcome to book a free consultation. Let’s connect, learn, and grow—together.

Join me as I take a closer look at some of the specific challenges people face during cultural transitions across different life stages—and explore ways to manage them through both upcoming articles and interactive workshops.

For young adults — Finding Yourself in the Middle: When Culture, Career, and Identity Collide

For those struggling with expressions of love — Inherited Love: How Family Culture Shapes Intimacy and Stress

For those needing help relating through cultural differences — Relationships with Other People