Finding Yourself in the Middle: When Culture, Career, and Identity Collide

Let’s talk about the ways your identity is shaped by your culture and how, if you’re feeling adrift, we can set you back on course.

Finding Yourself in the Middle: When Culture, Career, and Identity Collide

If you would like to learn more about the often invisible, but incredibly powerful ways that culture shock may be affecting the stress in your life, check out this connected article: Invisible But Powerful: How Culture Shock Creates Stress.

In this article, I’ll talk about the ways your identity is shaped by your culture and how, if you’re feeling adrift, we can set you back on course.

When Two Worlds Meet, Three Paths Diverge

Figuring out who you are and what you want to do with your life is never easy. For young adults from immigrant families, it can feel even more complicated. You may want to make your parents proud, stay connected to your culture, and also fit into a society that has different expectations. It can feel like trying to follow three GPS directions at once—your heart says one thing, your family says another, and society is shouting from the backseat.

Family culture can shape how you see the world. It may teach values like respect, responsibility, and staying close to your community. But it can also come with strong expectations—about who you should be, what kind of job you should have, and how you should live. Sometimes those expectations do not match what you truly want.

For example, your family might hope you become a doctor, lawyer, or engineer—something safe and respected. But maybe your heart is pulling you toward art, social work, or starting your own business. That is when the inner conflict begins.

Career and Identity: Who Is Steering?

Research has found that youth from cultures that value family and community often feel more pressure to follow family expectations when choosing a career. In contrast, youth from cultures that value independence tend to follow personal passions. If you are caught between both, it is easy to feel stuck.

This conflict is not just about your careers either—it is also about your identity. You might feel like you are living two lives: one at home and one outside. At home, you may enjoy cultural foods, celebrate traditional festivals, and speak your family’s language. But at school or work, you might prefer mainstream food and fashion with friends. This experience is known as “bicultural identity conflict.” A study in The Journal of Nervous and Mental Disease found that people who experience this often struggle with self-esteem and clarity about who they are.

Another layer is “acculturative stress”—the emotional strain of adapting to a new culture while holding onto your roots. Another study found that this kind of stress can contribute to anxiety, depression, and feeling like you do not belong anywhere.

What Can Help?

Thankfully, research also shows there are ways to cope. Having a strong and positive connection to your cultural identity can boost your confidence and reduce stress. Learning to blend values from both of your cultures—called “bicultural integration”—can help you feel more balanced. For example, someone might enjoy traditional meals at home, while also participating in mainstream social activities with friends; they’ve learned to embrace both sides of their identity without feeling conflicted.

Support from family is important, too. When parents share traditions and talk openly about identity, it helps youth feel more grounded. Feeling part of a larger cultural community also makes a big difference, giving you a sense of belonging and support.

Let Us Explore Together

The good news is—you are not alone. Many young adults are going through similar challenges, and there are ways to make the journey easier:

• Start by thinking about what matters most to you. Writing things down or talking with someone you trust can help. Therapy is also a safe space to explore your thoughts.
• Try having honest conversations with your family. It might feel awkward, but sharing your dreams can lead to better understanding.
• Look for role models: people who have faced similar choices and found their own way. Their stories can inspire and guide you.

And do not forget the power of community! Whether it is friends, mentors, or support groups, being connected makes everything easier.

At Transforming Emotions, we have therapists, and periodic workshops and groups that can help you to explore your evolving identity at home, at work, and all the places in between.

Come join us. We will reflect, share, and support each other—maybe even laugh and cry a little. Most importantly, we will take steps forward, together.